Christmas Tree

This Thanksgiving, I was struggling with my depression.  The cold, cloudy weather wasn't helping.  I did get my nativity up when Philomena put up her tree on November 30th, but we didn't put the big tree up.  We didn't go to Ten Thousand Villages.  None of the normal stuff.  By December 14th, I knew I needed to get into my doctor because it was getting worse.  I told the girls I was struggling and needed help decorating the house.  Philomena helped me bring the tree upstairs in the afternoon.  Then Maggie helped me decorate it that evening.  They weren't home at the same time due to show choir rehearsals.  I told Maggie that I was overwhelmed by the number of ornaments that we have.  I've tried for 2 years to pare it down but I get too sentimental.  Maggie said, "No problem!  Don't think, Mom.  Just tell me yes or no."  She put aside the ornaments that she wants for her tree and held up ornaments for me to decide what to keep.  We cut the decorations in half.  

I got in with my doctor on Monday, December 15th.  She adjusted my meds and I was feeling better even on the first day.  By Tuesday, I came home from work with more energy than I had in weeks.  I decided that I wanted to put the lights up in the front window.  It is so good to feel like myself again.  The girls were worried about my depression and I told them this is just what life is like with autism, anxiety, and depression.  We have regular med checks.  We learn to recognize the signs in ourselves so we know when to call the dr.  I've been managing my depression for 15 years.  I never let myself get as bad as I was when I was first diagnosed.  I hope by being honest with them that they will see me modeling how to manage our mental health and use the supports we have both in medical professionals and in our family supports.

One of my symptoms of depression is that I spend more money.  It was hard to tell if I was overspending due to my depression or if it was just because Chrsistmas was coming up.  My checkbook tells me that I spent double what I planned for Christmas.  There's a lot of presents under the tree.  The girls might just want the next bout of depression to hit when I'm buying Christmas gifts again.  haha I know they wouldn't wish depression to hit, but I do hope they like everything that I bought!